And I felt love again...

The last time I saw you I was sitting in grandma's rocking chair. I remember it was my turn to keep you company and it was awkward because we weren't much for talking. I watched you allow the exhaustion take over as you sat in your chair with nothing to do after those countless years of taking care of her every need had come to a halt. You only woke up when your mind tricked you into thinking you heard her call your name. You were still adjusting to life without her.

It's been over six years since I sat in that chair. Over these past six years I have taught myself to not break easily. I've found that, for me, crying doesn't solve much. Rather it makes me feel weak and leaves me exhausted with a headache. So I tend to try to man-up and shake things off. Today was an exception.

Today I was pulled aside and told how you two ran into each other yesterday. How you asked question after question about me. How you told him about the box full of cards you have for me from every holiday that has come and gone over the course of these long years. How you have written me letters every time you thought of me even though you knew you couldn't send them. How you wanted me to know how much you still love me. I stood there and realized I couldn't just shake this off. I stood there and realized that even if I could, I didn't want to just shake it off. So I broke down and cried like never before.

As I stood there, face in soaked hands, fully understanding the cliché "crying tears of joy," all I could think of was one line from a Manchester Orchestra song. You see, when it comes to things like this, my words seem meaningless. I am working on finding meaning for them, though, so that one day I'll be able to fully express everything I've wished to say to you since that last day I sat in grandma's rocking chair. But today I'm going to let this one line say it all. "And I felt love again..."